


And now for something very different

by RoughTweedAction (Donya)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, holmescest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/RoughTweedAction
Summary: John walks in on Sherlock, Mycroft and the umbrella. The Holmes brothers, as anyone who has ever watched Monty Python, know exactly what to do.





	

John cannot believe this is happening again. Another video message from Jim Moriarty, may he rest in peace. Again, on every screen in the country. This time he's holding a white cat and strokes its fur tenderly while staring menacingly into the camera. What is worse neither Sherlock nor Mycroft answers John's insistent calls. He drops everything and rushes to 221 B to make sure that Sherlock is still alive, not kidnapped and hopefully, not high.

The door is unlocked but the flat seems deserted. Until he notices the door to Sherlock's room is not completely closed. He can hear Sherlock's voice, it sounds different, not as cocky as usual, there's something oddly soft and tender about it now. John walks towards the room, announces his presence with a loud, 'Sherlock, there's another video of Moriarty' and pushes the door open. 

He wishes he has waited for Sherlock's reply first. 

Sherlock is lying on the bed, on his back, wearing only socks. His arms are above his head, pinned to the mattress with... the umbrella. Held by Mycroft, who, still impeccably dressed, is on top of his brother. Sherlock's ankles locked around Mycroft's waist, the tell-tale crimson blush on the detective's face and the overwhelming smell of sex- there's no room for doubt. They are having sex, right now, with each other, in front of John. They have the decency to stop when they notice him but not to look guilty for being such perverts.

John freezes, too shocked to say anything or walk away. The brothers do not speak either. Instead, Mycroft stands up, towels off the incriminating wetness, tucks himself in, takes the umbrella and leaves without a word. Similarly, Sherlock wipes away the moisture between his legs, unbothered by John's staring, then puts on his pants, trousers and shirt. Then he climbs off the bed and casually passes John on his way to the sitting room. John follows him, still mute, goggle-eyed and open-mouthed. Sherlock cautiously takes a seat in his armchair, picks up a book and starts reading.

'But-' John manages to speak out, but cannot formulate a coherent sentence. 'What-'

Sherlock looks up from the book. 'Tea?' He asks, his tone suggests that he expects John to prepare it, preferably without delay.

'What the hell was that?'

'You are referring to...?' 

'Mycroft! And you!'

'Tea,' Sherlock repeats, slowly, so John can really grasp the meaning. 'Put the kettle on.'

A couple of minutes later, John does make the cuppa. Sherlock sips the tea and dismisses the idea of Moriarty, may his soul rest in peace, being still alive. John begins to believe that he must have been mistaken, Sherlock couldn't have had sex with his brother, that would be so wrong on every level. Sherlock is too calm and composed. What a relief.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the explanation: there's a Monty Python scene, I can't remember the name, but a wife walks in on her husband and his mistress. The two get up, get dressed, she leaves, no one explains anything, the man sits in his chair and asks the shocked wife for tea and she just puts the kettle on (if I remember correctly). I used this technique when my professor caught me smoking. Monty Python and the Holmes brothers, everything I love about the UK.


End file.
